Still I Breathe
Poppy Davis
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Sometimes I can't breathe, I can't even breathe, when I think about my past
A chapter of my life, written into words, when you think it can't get worse, you seem to be wrong
But that's life, your field of energy remains high, despite breaking up all fights, staying calm
So my mum wouldn't lose her mind. Where do I start? Used to run out of shops with shopping carts
One pound left on the meter, skin to bone, sleeping in a freezer, it was that time of the year
Where I couldn't see her, working nights, sleeping days, I really needed ya
Mockery's surrounded me, but seeing birds fly so free, reminded me, this is all meant to be
Sleeping through alarms, living in my dreams, skipping sex scenes, so my eyes don't bleed
Staying after class, running 5,000 feet, just so I can breathe, my mind's been running away from me
At a constant speed, only girl on the football team, in primary, on the phone to the police
The peace in my home has departed, no integrity, this probity sweetly
Leaves my lips as I try to resist, getting involved in people's bullshit
Sitting in solitary, my eyes stream, beam, as this awakening rushes up from my feet
No medication, done with intoxication, deep desperation bloats her guts
Slowing her down to reach any destination, I see a clairvoyant, they say my dad's with me
Telling me to live of ease, my doctor gave me a label, now this is who I'm supposed to be?
It was my angels that came to the rescue, and saved me from falling so deep
I thought the horror show would never end, the smell takes me back to the unmended dead
The open wounds, deceased flesh, the blood stains in my brain, I found a lucky escape
Living in a caravan, getting shot by guns, running to the neighbours, hoping he gets locked up
Relapsing is a death wish, or a murder sentence, I prayed for his being, he was becoming a jerk
Helping those who don't want to help themselves will never work, it was five in the morning when
I saw him, he was hurt, a stone cold foetus, resuscitation couldn't save him, it was his time
To leave us, watching him go, we knew what he was facing, a few weeks before, he was slowly fading
His time was up, then we were the ones facing, then we were the ones facing
Now I seem to be a girl that is always on the run
I'm not searching for gold, just a little bit of fun, my body's trapped to the past
I can't breathe from my lungs, some days I'm flying, others I'm doing backflips into the old
Me, but as a young girl it never used to be this way, I guess the roads you take really determines
Life awake, determines what's at stake, I know I'd rather be bungee jumping than sitting on your
Mate's floor, sniffing lines of flake, being retrospective, as I've come so far in my life
I'm fucking great, I've got things to do, places to see, I'll do it all by myself if everyone leaves
On me, I don't care anymore about the way I'm seen, cos when you've seen what I've seen
The bare minimum becomes the simple dream, we're lucky enough to breathe
I know this energy inside of me will take me to the places where I've always wanted to be
If I just give back and believe, and nurture the child that is deep within me