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The Haunted Mansion
Paul Frees
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When hinges creak in doorless chambers
And strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls
Whenever candlelights flicker, where the air is deathly still
That is the time when ghosts are present
Practicing their terror with ghoulish delight
Welcome, foolish mortals, to the haunted mansion
I am your host, your ghost host, hmm
Kindly step all the way in, please, and make room for everyone
There's no turning back now
Our tour begins here in this gallery
Where you see paintings of some of our guests
As they appeared in their corruptible mortal state
Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding
Almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis
Is this haunted room actually stretching?
Or is it your imagination, hmm?
And consider this dismaying observation
This chamber has no windows and no doors, hmm
Which offers you this chilling challenge
To find a way out! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Of course, there's always my way
ย
Oh, I didn't mean to frighten you prematurely, hmm
The real chills come later
Now, as they say, look alive
And we'll continue our little tour
And let's all stay together, please
There are several prominent ghosts who have retired here
From creepy old crypts all over the world
Actually, we have 999 happy haunts here
But there's room for a thousand
Any volunteers? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
If you insist on lagging behind, you may not need to volunteer
And now, a carriage approaches
To take you into the boundless realm of the supernatural
Take your loved ones by the hand, please
And kindly watch your step
Oh yes, and no flash pictures, please
We spirits are frightfully sensitive to bright lights
ย
Do not pull down on the safety bar, please
I will lower it for you
And heed this warning
The spirits will materialize only if
You remain quietly seated at all times
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We find it delightfully unlivable here in this ghostly retreat
Every room has wall-to-wall creeps
And hot and cold running chills
Shh, listen
Let me out of here!
Let me out of here!
Let me out of here!
Let me out of here!
Let me out of here!
ย
Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat
Call in the spirits, wherever they're at
Rap on a table, it's time to respond
Send us a message from somewhere beyond
Goblins and ghoulies from last Halloween
Awaken the spirits with your tambourine
(Great)
ย
Let there be music from regions beyond
Wizards and witches, wherever you dwell
Give us a hint by ringing a bell
The happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations
And are beginning to materialize
They're assembling for a swinging wake
And they'll be expecting me
I'll see you all a little later
ย
Here comes the bride
For better or for worse
We'll live happily ever after
'Til death do us part
ย
When the crypt doors creak and the tombstones quake
Spooks come out for a swinging wake
Happy haunts materialize
And begin to vocalize
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize
Now don't close your eyes and don't try to hide
Or a silly spook may sit by your side
Shrouded in a daft disguise
They pretend to terrorize
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize
ย
As the moon climbs high o'er the dead oak tree
Spooks arrive for the midnight spree
Creepy creeps with eerie eyes
Start to shriek and harmonize
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize
When you hear the knell of a requiem bell
Weird glows gleam where spirits dwell
Restless bones etherialize
Rise as spooks of every size
When the crypt doors creak and the tombstones quake
Spooks come out for a swinging wake
Happy haunts materialize
And begin to vocalize
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize
Now don't close your eyes and don't try to hide
Or a silly spook may sit by your side
Shrouded in a daft disguise
They pretend to terrorize
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize
ย
As the moon climbs high o'er the dead oak tree
Spooks arrive for the midnight spree
Creepy creeps with eerie eyes
Start to shriek and harmonize
Grim grinning ghosts come out to socialize
When you hear the knell of a requiem bell
Weird glows gleam where spirits dwell
Restless bones etherialize
Rise as spooks of every size
If you would like to join our jamboree
There's a simple rule that's compulsory
Hurry back, hurry back
Be sure to bring your death certificate
If you decide to join us
Make final arrangements now
We've been dying to have you
ย