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Inebriated
Richard Pryor
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I had to stop drinking 'cause I got tired
Of like waking up in my car driving 90
I couldn't stop drinking 'til the bartender say "
We got no more fucking liquor! Take your ass home, pal!"
I don't know what it is that make drunk people wanna talk
But you can bet if somebody drunk, he gon' talk
You know what I mean?
You ever be driving and the police pull up behind your ass real fast
From nowhere with them spotlights, you know, look like Close Encounter
Just whoosh
And your brain get "Oh shit! Let me get it
Together, don't worry about it, I'ma be cool
I'ma get it together, now cool down
Rich, just put your arm up on the window
Just put your, put your arm there
Now you're cool, now don't worry about nothing, lean back, be cool
Put your arm, be cool, when they come up, say "Everything's alright"
Just say "Everything's alright"
Alright, you ready, Rich? Just "Everything's alright"
Now that's your brain
This hasn't got to your lips yet
'Cause when the police come "Anything wrong, pal?"
"I was just..."
Shit
It's different when black people get arrested, you know that
White people, you see the cops get your ass
White people start speaking to the police
"Hi there"
"I guess I was speeding, wasn't I?
Wife and I are having a little barbecue this weekend
Thought maybe you and the kids would like to come by"
I don't know, man, I used to get drunk and try to talk
When you can't never understand a
Drunk and he'll explain anything to you
Police come up "What happened here?"
"I, I know, I was in there, shit, I was
Wait, ayy, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
I, never mind
Shit"
You ever get drunk and start crying and shit?
"Yeah
Yeah
Shit
It was the first time I was sober and
Shit, I was
The motherfuckers wanted to put this shit on my mama
Put it up my mouth and this house, motherfuckers"
You ever be drunk, you go home and the house moves?
I just be trying to make it to the bed
You just know that's safety
And you start hearing that voice
"Don't get sick"
"I'm not gonna be sick"
"You wanna bet?"
"No, please, listen, look, I'ma lay down, please don't
No, just let me sit on the floor
Don't, don't make me sick, please"
"I'm gonna fuck you up"
"No
Please
Oh God, please"
And your wife be coming talking about "Are you drunk?"
"Bitch, kill me, but don't talk to me"
"Would you like something to eat?"
"Oh shit, no, no"
"How about some soup and greens?"
"No, dear, no, please"
And your body be taking over, shit
You be "Just hold on, just please let me"
And you crawl to your favorite spot, the toilet bowl
I don't know where them sounds come from when you fucked up
You wake up in your garage
Under your car
Dogs be looking at you and shit
That's when you know you fucked up, when your dog won't come to you
And what I've never understood about a hangover is
Where does that breath come from?
You know what I mean? I mean, is somebody
Shit in your mouth when you sleep?
And it's the people you meet after you been drunk
That remember shit you don't remember
"Ayy, Rich, don't you remember that time, man, we got fucked up?
We went out there and you stuck your arm up that elephant's ass
Don't you remember that?
Elephant tightened his ass up around your arm
Went walking down the street with you
You was swinging back and forth
You looked like a turd with a hat on, damn"
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