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How to Become a Victim of Crime
General Damager
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In a shocking turn of events
The city seems to have declared open season for criminal masterminds
With crime rates skyrocketing faster than a toddler on a sugar rush
In a recent survey, it was found
That the most popular hobbies in the city now include
Grand theft auto, burglary, and moonlighting as a pickpocket
It seems that the local thieves union has been holding
Brainstorming sessions on how to spice up their resumes
With one member reportedly suggesting
A "robbery Olympics" to boost team morale
Authorities, meanwhile, are responding
With all the efficiency of a sloth on sedatives
Police officers have been spotted chasing criminals at a pace
That can only be described as "leisurely"
Citizens are scratching their heads wondering
If they accidentally moved into Gotham City
Instead of their beloved hometown
While the mayor has proposed a groundbreaking solution
Banning crime altogether
In the meantime, citizens are advised to lock their doors
Hide their valuables, and invest in a sturdy set of handcuffs
Just in case they find themselves joining the city's newest trend
Becoming a victim of crime
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