Pareidolia
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"Do you want to see the house?" My mother asked me
Just a quarter mile before the turn off 118
She didn't say "old" because it hadn't been sold yet
But I noticed that she didn't say "our house" just "the"
As if to imply some greater unspeakable meaning
Like a place in history or the scene of a crime or a haunted estate
Where people only visit to feel some brief presence of a past life
Or the hope of a life past this one
And maybe that's why she asked
Maybe that's why I said "sure"
Or maybe we both just wanted some closure
And maybe that's why she asked
Maybe that's why I said "sure"
Or maybe we both just wanted it to be over
So we turned and followed familiar streets
Past train tracks, houses, and memories of my only former life
Not much had changed in that neighborhood
Not even the house on the outside
What did I expect? To see the rooms I knew so well?
All the patterns erased, devoid of life
Covered up in eggshell white
And in an instant the floor fell out beneath me
And the walls drifted away
Reminded how we've always been just floating through blank space
Maybe that's all we have
Maybe I'll never feel fine
Or maybe it'll all just take me a lifetime
Maybe that's all we have
Maybe that's really just fine
Maybe I just haven't seen it in the right light
So this is a blank canvas we're given
Upon which to cast whatever we choose to believe in
Well I feel loved and I feel lost
I feel like this right here is true
So this is where I stake my claim
A modest home with a modest view
I built a house of cards
With a glass floor and a bottomless pit
I'll never take for granted
What I have and I can't forget
Perception is a new landscape
Life is truly what you make it
I'm taking stock of what's around me
And trying my hardest to embrace it
The reasons I wanted to kill myself
Have never truly gone away
I am just grateful to have found
Stronger reasons for me to stay