No Place Like London
Michael Ball
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I have sailed the world
Beheld it's wonders
From the Dardenelles
To the mountains of Peru
But there's no place like London!
I feel home again...
I could hear the city bells ring
Whatever I would do
(Anthony and Todd)
No, there's no place like London!
(Anthony)
Mr Todd, Sir!
(Todd)
You are young
Life has been kind to you
You will learn...
So Anthony, it's here we go our separate ways,
Farewell.
I shall not soon forget the good ship Bountiful
Or the young man who saved my life
(Beggar Woman)
Alms! Alms!
For a miserable woman!
On a miserable, chilly morning
Oh! Thank you sir, Thank you!
'Ow d'you like a little muff, dear?
A little jig-jig,
A little bounce around the bush!
Wouldn't ya like to push me parsley?
It looks to me dear,
Like you got plenty there to push!
Alms! Alms!
For a pitiful woman
What's got wandering wits
Hey, don't I know you mister?
(Todd)
Off with you woman,
Off I said, leave!
(Beggar Woman)
And then how would you like to split me muff, Mister?
We'll go jig-jig!
A little-
(Todd)
Off I said,
To the devil with you!
(Beggar Woman)
Alms! Alms!
For a pitiful woman...
(Anthony)
Pardon me, Sir
There's no need to fear the likes of her,
She's only a half-crazed beggar woman.
London's full of them!
Mr. Todd, Sir
(Todd)
What is it?
(Anthony)
If you need any help, any money or-
(Todd)
No!
There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it
And it's morals aren't worth what a pig could spit
And it goes by the name of London
At the top of the hole sit a privileged few
Making mock of the vermin in the lower zoo
Turning beauty into filth and greed
I too, have sailed the world and seen it's wonders
For the cruelty of men is as wonderous as Peru
But there's no place like London!
There was a barber and his wife
And she was beautiful
A foolish barber and his wife
She was his reason and his life
And she was beautiful
And she was virtuous
And he was
Naive
There was another man who saw
That she was beautiful
A pious vulture of the law
Who with a gesture of his claw
Removed the barber from his plate
Then there was nothing but to wait
And she would fall, so soft, so young, so lost
And oh so beautiful!
(Anthony)
And the lady, Sir,
Did she succumb?
(Todd)
Oh, that was many years ago.
I doubt if anyone would know.
Now Anthony, leave me, I beg of you.
There's somewhere I must go,
Something I must find out,
Now... and alone.
(Anthony)
But surely we will meet again before I'm off to Plymouth?
(Todd)
Oh, you'll find me if you want to.
Down around Fleet Street, I wouldn't wonder.
(Anthony)
Until then, Mr. Todd.
(Todd)
There's a hole in the world like a great black pit,
And it's filled with people who are filled with shit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it...