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Shopping At Wal-Mart
Larry the Cable Guy
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I get a lot of my hunting stuff at the Walmart and I love Walmart
Been shopping there for years 'cause it's a one-stop shop
Cheap, I'm gonna tell you something
You can get everything in there
And they just opened up, they are opening
Up walk-in clinics now at the Walmarts
And I, we got one in Sanford, Florida in the
Super Walmart and it is pretty dadgum good
I went in for a checkup, I went in there
Dropped my pants, turned my head and coughed
Realized I was in the garden department when I was in there, alright
Walk-in clinics at Walmart
Now you can hear things over the loudspeakers like
"We got Sunny Delight on sale for $
1.29 And Rick Smith, you have herpes"
Going to the doctor at Walmart
How you know they ain't gonna show your prostate check
On the monitors in the electronics department in there?
And what kind of a doctor would you go to at Wal-
I wouldn't go to no doctor in there
"Sorry son, we found a polyp"
"Oh damn, I'm going to Target for a
Second opinion", alright, that's bullshit
Now they're thinking about putting wedding chapels at Walmarts
Wedding chapels
Like the return line ain't long enough, alright, good lord
"Hey, where's your husband?"
"I took him back up to Walmart, got a store credit"
This always irritates, I can never figure out about this
Playboy magazine did a spread one time called "The Women of Walmart"
I'm like, "Where the hell's that store located at? Good God"
I know they ain't pulling them out of my Walmart, alright
Their motto is, "You think our prices are low? Check
Out the forehead on the cashier over there", alright
I know, I oughta know, my sister works there, alright
But I do love the Walmart, I shop there all the time
I just think it's funny sometimes
I wonder whose idea it was to put
The automated checkout at the Walmart
You ever see people trying to use the automated checkout at the Wal-
You ever see my family trying to use that?
You might as well hand a cell phone to a retarded kid, alright
They're up there hitting buttons and grunting, that's all they-
"Five dollars"
Lord, I can barely handle the concept of paper and plastic, alright
It don't make sense
Went up there to buy ball sack cream, not train for a part-time job
I remember went in the candy department
Used to be able to get the little candy cigarettes '
Til all the political correctness shit
Damn, can't even get candy cigarettes
My sister loved them things
I got secondhand diabetes off them candy cigarettes
She ate two packs a day, that son of a bitch
Ain't that hypocritical though?
That's what it is, hypocritical
They get rid of candy cigarettes 'cause
They say it's a bad example for the kids
But yet you can still buy Pixy Stix
What the hell?
That's a good message
"Don't smoke, son, but go ahead and do
Powder through a straw if you'd like to
Go ahead and do that, that's real good"
That's right
I like shopping though
I just bought a pair of underwear the other day
In the front it says, "Yeah, it's a Hemi"
Yeah, then I wore 'em all day and took 'em off
In the back, looked like the Hemi done peeled out in the back, alright
Boy, don't that irritate you?
That's why I can never understand why
Fruit of the Loom does underbritches
What does fruit got to do with underbritches?
I guess it's to remind us when we take 'em down
We go, "Oh, I should've ate more fruit today, I guess"
I don't know why fellers get that and women don't
We're crippled in the hole or something
There's something wrong
We was born without a sealer muscle or something
I went to the doctor one time, I said, "I've had it
Why do we dirty britches and women don't?"
He said, "Well, men have more hair in their crack"
I'm like, "You ain't seen some of the women
I was with the last few years", alright
Good lord
This one girl, I found two Easter eggs and a banana clip, alright
That's what I found
It's ridiculous
But I'd had it with this leakage and I went to the doctor one time
And I get jaybird naked on this fella
I got twig and berries flying on this dude
And I'm like, "You need to find that leak in there"
And he goes, "I can't"
I go, "Why not?"
He goes, "I'm a dentist"
Ah crap, alright
Doggone it, I went to the wrong Walmart
The manager come out
"You get your clothes on and you get the hell out of here"
Good lord, I think I done pulled something when I done that
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