Mental illness awareness (pt. 1)
Máximo Sandoval
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Yo, I know y'all are, tired of, hearing from, my big stupid dumbass
And after being put on blast, shoving dirt in my face as if I'm grass
Caused me to fucking relapse, and take everything out
On the people that deserved it last
Gave 'em the worst impression of me (the bad side of me)
The shady side of me (I fucking need therapy)
'Cause this is what happens when you mix (The substances)
Instead of the regular good old-fashioned drugs that he keeps (Up under his bed)
And twist 'em like the tea, With different kinds of ID-eas to make me feel good
And outta the shit-hole childhood I used to be in
How the fuck did I get all this without an ID, man?
Oh, I can tell you how - my father is who to blame
The first person who, put me on these drinks
Fourth person to hold, my sexy-ass name
Why the fuck did he think that it was a good idea for him to come to my homecoming game?
Can't even form words, speech is getting more worse
Lips are starting to slur, like a fucking brass player
Now I gotta pick four different suits
To pursuit, four different lawsuits
Plus find a good suit that'll work down to their core for, the stupid song that didn't even last 24 hours
(And not just for cash or a check, 'Cause this truly is a life of war)
Law and order (Mentally out of order) (Personality disorder)
The stress from this fame, and success gets me real pressed
And nothing ever less, besides being depressed (At least the old heads are impressed)
And to those who think I ain't - Shut the fuck up, You faggot, You wish you had it
Just sit back, relax, and kick back with your community college
With your effortless Alamo promise
Yes, I know, it sucks not seeing the money splurge like cum, promise
But at least you got a clever compromise with the college
And coming from my lyrical knowledge
I'm that for this, and I'm this for that-
GODDAMN IT JUST FUCKING END IT AND HIT ME WITH A BAT! (Ow!)
The one time good high I've had
Was when I was actually growing out, and growing up to be a somebody
But of course no one was supporting me-so now it's "FUCK ME!"
It may have looked like it tho, in plain sight...
BUT OH BABY-y'all don't know the full story behind the scenes
All that shit was only temporary
Stupid overthinking taking over me
Bad thoughts all over the walls of my brain
How could I stop the pain?
Besides without mixing the dranks with the zanks
For my anxiety and panic attacks ?
And that's when I discovered the Notes app-
AT LAST!
Writing verses and rhymes, all the fucking time
Always in my mind, tryna fucking slime, everyone who's wronged me during some point in time
It made me feel good... It made me feel actually questionably pretty fine?
Until it got outta hand- Writing offensive, and explicit lyrics
That took heavy hard hits, to the kids that didn't deserve it-
(THEIR HARSH PASTS TO BE PUT ON-)
BLAST!
It hurt me like hell, when I took an L
But I couldn't imagine the feelings of how them girls felt
The humility was worse than Texas humidity
It Brought me back to humble beginnings
Where I wished I was winning
Then I started 180 spinning-actually breadwinning
How the fuck did I go from bottom of the 9th, Bottom of the inning, to needing extra innings? STRIKEOUT LOOKING! (You're Out!)
AH SHIT! I just got a strikeout swinging in the middle of the field
Due to the hit and miss of that song
I'm not a fucking hooligan
So why the hell am I playing like Julian?
Hmm... maybe I should go back to football with the Raider Lillian
But like my addictions, I just kept coming back to it
Writing stuff for my own personal enjoyment- I didn't know when to quit
Releasing stupid shit that only hit for me
Tryna be somebody so badly because I fucking hated being a nobody
Being an outcast was a role I didn't want to last, So then I went down the wrong path
Trying to make this music shit outlast
You can't object the passion you have for a subject
But after releasing two-and now maybe three-tracks of mass destruction
Maybe it's time to reconsider and reflect on my actions
I should've listen and listened to My Saint and Messiah:
Zachariah, Isaiah, Tuba, Jones- And asked him to review, my vault of, verbal assault
And now I'm over here, looking like a joke
With yet another, "Guilty Conscience" moment
Really wanna know, how I am? And why I am? Plus the way I am?
Go listen to "Guilty Conscience 2" and "The Way I Am" By the GOAT, Eminem
Which begs the question... Did he truly listen to the "Sympa" track?
Or did he just respond to the phone calls
Of kids bawling their eyeballs out to him?
To then come and bash me - as if to fill in that dad involvement?
Don't be turning your back on me now, pal
I don't need you ending up like everybody else
Why in the fuck, is it so hard to find a friend
Who truly understands, what's going on in my freaking Kanye-crazy mind?
Going through long sleepless nights, and crying in bed,
But instead, I gotta thug it out like there's absolutely nothing wrong with anything
It's only a matter of time until it gets noticed by, everybody, with their stupid eyes
So I just gotta try and dig deep and, deny, deny, deny
All the things people point out cold-heartedly
Before it eventually gets to me
That's where all the insecurities form
And everything about you starts to hurt more worse
Like a when a whore's vagina getting torn
Going through a whole bunch of dorms
And shape into a horrible dark monster form
But of course! I wouldn't expect you pussies to understand, What it's like fucking harder than the Sorority Girls-
Unlike Josh Sance...
Sleeping with every girl he can, without any remote feelings for them
Almost got caught up in the middle of a Hail Storm (Leedle, Leedle, Leedle, Leedle, Lee)
What the fuck man?
I thought we were cool, I can't stand for this
You even dabbed me up at the end of Graduation
We were even in Jazz playing the same shit
Do you even have a job man?
Cuz writing 10 Yelp reviews about my song really shows unemployment
Like you're the man, Garcia - yeah, I see ya, I saw that shit
And since you put as much effort to put my ass on blast
Like the Judson Rocket launchpad - oh wait, that shit doesn't blast (Haha)
Take that beige hoodie off bitch - you ain't mysterious
After this, true diss - People are gonna be asking like: "Yo! WHO DIS?!?"
"You got a problem with me? Feel free to call or text me @-"
How 'bout you go back to switching instruments?
You like watching Transformers: Rise of the Beast?
Well, watch me Transform and Rise to a beast
While I beat your ass on beat with your very own drumsticks
While I'm eating drumsticks-
While simultaneously calling you a **** (Oh shit...)
(That's Crazy)
(Wait, why the awkward silence?)
I'm taking a shit in a resort while I'm writin' this
That just goes to show for you, how much my respect for you just got so much less
Are we really gonna resort to violence? OKAY!
But when this shit comes out, Don't go crying and whining to your Last Resorts!
Hope you have a good band camp, "Champ-"
Whoops, I misled that entitlement - Cuz it truly goes to the other better Josh: De Leon
Who works harder than you, piece of shit
Hope you have a good year, Champion
I said all these bad things, now I'm back on a spiral
Death threats and posts about me going viral
What the fuck, why are y'all so vile?
Don't hate on me because I'm so versatile
And I walk all over y'all, like you're some tiles
You say you stand for awarenesses
But when somebody comes in with shit that they deal with
You hypocrites tell 'em to go and kill themselves - Because, Oh! that's the right response to give out, is it?
But once you hear that they actually commit
Then it'll sit, and put some weight on your chest, for a while
But of course, you will live on Planet Denial
Echoes of my voice and thoughts now haunt me from the Sympa title-
Like a twisted revival
But Hey! I got my lyrics greenlit, for the shit that you're hearing, So I hope you were ready for it
Most of y'all's biggest trait, is to manipulate
And take shit, and turn it into something it ain't
You'll start to play the blame game, then faint
When people start to paint the picture, and connect the dots
On who's at fault, for your play of exalt - verbal assault
But nothing's more funnier than seeing your ass fall on asphalt
When you're caught with the ball in your court
Cuz how the hell did your lies get out
If it was meant to be more secured, than a bank vault?
This shit is more worse than having too much salt - now I gotta desalt
Yes, I know this is convolute
But just understand that I'm popping and clocking off harder than a cobalt
Striking harder than a thunderbolt
Until your ass turns back into a default
I spoke out of anger, words like broken glass
Now the blood on my hands is crystal clear
Nobody deserved it, not nowhere near
Now I'm drowning in guilt, while pretending to steer
They say "you reap what you sow," now I'm buried in the shame
Having to carry my fifth name, I'm the biggest target to blame
But beneath all the noise, and damage, and flame
Is a heart cracked wide open, wishing for fame
Now I'm here, tryna tame the pain
And trying to explain, my side of the page
If I could go back, I'd silence that night
Trade every wrong word for a chance to do right
But the past doesn't bend, and the pain doesn't lie
Just know that I'm sorry, and I'm too broken and too far down to comply
You can hate and break and call me names all you want
But it takes a true Savant to own up to his rude remarks
If I keep getting hit, imma get back up,
again, and again, and again - like Spider-Men
These attacks on me, ain't my first rodeo, man
I could've died a hero, but I lived long enough to be the villain...
But of course you motherfuckers wouldn't understand that
Like how you wouldn't understand the complexity of my mind, In fact-
Since all you do is sit on your ass and, Yap, Yap, Yap
Until I act outta class, by talking shit, outta my big brown ass
And see how the fuck y'all would react-
I work harder more than anybody out here and that's a motherfucking fact
Is your bio stacked? No, I didn't think so, ho
All you have is what university you're going at
Or the Graduating High School class you peaked at
Aesthetic highlight traps, plus a biblical verse, or quote, from the King, Jesus
And maybe... JUST MAYBE some stupid relationship status
That'll last a few months, that nobody gives a fuck about
Cuz you're just a goddamn ho, that everyone keeps tryna slide up
AND TAP INTO BRO
And so,
which leads me to my lovely friend- "luvlee" Madison
Over on the Instagram, requesting to DM
Be careful.. I got the scoop from a certain somebody in the jam
Saying that **** is into ****
Don't believe me? Ask one of the many victims
You don't wanna be one of them
Quit making the one-liner I said on the Confort feature, Come true man
(Careful down there, I think Josh Sance might be on his diddy shit again)
"almost forgot, my relationship with God is more important" (OH GOD, SHUT UP!)
[Hey! We have another bad egg over here!
Who kinda looks like one too...
Send 'em over to New Zealand with that information]
I'm scramblin', and ramblin', trying to figure out, Why you're so fake?
It's always the same case of a dozen (Get it?)
People lying about their "fa1thh" (Got that one too?)
They're all always broken (Haha)
I'm walking on eggshells with this one, but you chose this, So Thanks!
I needed to get my Protein in anyways
Sorry that I'm so outspoken
I'm someone who expresses their emotions quite frankly and openly
I'm the type to wear a Hump Tee in the middle of the week, on a Wednesday
But call me Boston, with the way I, Dump Tea, Everyday-
DO YOU GET IT?
HUMPTY DUMPTY?
Proverbs chapter twenty-six, verses twenty-four, through twenty-six, Bitch
(Did I teach you a lesson?)
If you're hearin' this, Hey! Welcome in!
My shit ain't something you gotta go on your own and look up for
It's somethin' that gets free advertisement
By how absurd that it is, That's what's so fire about it!
I'mma fucking dog, Am I into bestiality? Cuz I'mma fucking animal
I got the balls to say this shit, but once this comes out, and you hear it
You pussies immediately get your shit neutered, and turn into a female, aka a BITCH!
Call yourselves some Eggs - don't know what that means?
Go look it up on the Urban Dic, and take a Pic (Haha)
So I can see your facial expression
Quit actin' like we weren't in the same room, talking the same shit
Call me Mrs. Matthews, Cuz there's no exemptions with me
For Examp, Let's test your strength real quick-