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TikTok Baby!
OCT
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(yawn)
Good morning, world!
What a perfect day to be a U.S. Representative!
Shall I turn on the news?
(static, sirens, screaming)
"Yeah, the situation here is out of control! People are dy--"
(static)
Haha, maybe later
Working in government is truly the best
Particularly the House of Representatives
I walk in everyday to work on my desk
And I say, โNot today, I've got bigger fish to fry.โ
Heightened racial tensions
The Electoral College rigs elections
The crisis in the East
Drugs in the food we eat
But if you're asking me the biggest problem is
TikTok!
It's not global warming
Itโs not access to healthcare; welfare, boring!
Corruption at the top
Citizens getting shot
With all that's going on
Right nowโs the perfect time for banning
TikTok Baby!
Weโre coming for your TikTok Baby! No No!
The most important problems TikTok Baby!
Weโre coming for you TikTok Baby! For sure!
And I know we swore an oath to keep your liberties safe
But we the stuff youโre posting online
TikTokโs an open public discourse
And you're dragging our name
And it really hurts, and what's even worse
Is we don't see a dime!
That's why we call it
"Flagrant propaganda,"
Dancing to songs by Lin Manuel Miranda
Cucumber recipes
And "Get Ready With Me's,"
All thanks to the Chinese
Our biggest problem is
TikTok!
Itโs not Russian presence
Itโs not that we all take antidepressants
The rich keep getting rich
Hollywoodโs weird with kids
But none of that's as big as
Making sure we take away your
TikTok Baby!
You don't deserve that TikTok Baby! No no!
We don't make money off of TikTok Baby!
So you won't see your TikTok Baby!
No more
(static)